Saturday, December 02, 2006

Reading at IKEA Christmas Fair tomorrow

Going with fellow writers. Doing wee a selected section of the book on being in treatment at Christmas, but going to do some fun things too. I've done a "shopping forecast based on the idea on BBC Radio 4's One series. You take the Shipping Forecast and give it a twist, like the slipping forecast or the skipping forecast, here's my effort, I just hope it works:

AND NOW THE SHOPPING FORECAST ISSUED BY THE MET OFFICE ON BEHALF OF THE MARITIME AND COASTGUARD AGENCY, AT 1130 ON SUNDAY 24 DECEMBER 2006


There are warnings of high pressure and cold fronts around
Iceland, M&S, fresh turkeys, chipolata and brandy cream.

A general synopsis of things forgotten: bread sauce,
crackers, shallots, serviettes, cava, avocados, that drink that sounds
like a Dutch football manager, it has something to do with balls, and is
the only thing Gran drinks. Rockall left. Conditions set to deteriorate.

Pray Uncle Bill doesn’t bring German Bight, the Rottweiler

Veering now for the veg, grab a fast net of Brussel Sprouts. Note warning of
severe gale 9, mainly southerly, decreasing 5 or 6, becoming cyclonic for a time.

Dover Sole for vegetarians. Don’t forget the Dogger Bank.
Credit rating rough or very rough, rain and drizzle expected.

Baileys, must buy, pour over Christmas Pud. Conditions may improve,
but visibility likely to remain poor.





9 Comments:

Blogger blkbutterfly said...

i hope the reading goes well! i read or heard somewhere that Ikea wafts the smell of their cinnamon rolls throughout the store to entice people. i've only been a few times and didn't notice it. i wonder if that's the truth.

the shopping forecast made me smile. yes, things get very crazy this time of year. good thing i'm not out in the fray!

3:58 am  
Blogger apprentice said...

Thank you! Going wuith much more experienced people, so I'll watch and learn.

On the cinnamon, it sounds like the fresh coffee and bread smells when someone's trying to sell their house.
I'm not going to shop, although at some stage I'll have to start, but just wee things for a few friends who will buy me something.

10:15 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Never heard of IKEA until today when it was mentioned on two blogs - one in Belguim and now yours! The things you learn blogging ... I take it it is a chain store of some kind?

Love your forecast - I can just see it all - I believe you may be right on the button. They say forecasts are pretty accurate these days!

11:26 am  
Blogger apprentice said...

IKEA, yes it's a huge Swedish store, flatpack hell! Cheap and cheerful things from kitchens to deccies.

This year they're adding a bit of culture as part of Edinburgh's holiday celebrations, they've got an ice rink too.

12:41 pm  
Blogger PI said...

Excellent! I'm trying to work out Gran's drink - it's on the tip of my tongue but all I can think of is advocaat which doesn't fill the bill but was favoured by mine!

9:10 am  
Blogger apprentice said...

Yes it's advocaat! Ranger football club had a Dutch manager with an almost identical name.

12:47 pm  
Blogger PI said...

Wow! Do I get a prize?

11:12 pm  
Blogger apprentice said...

I'll buy you one sometime ;)

10:15 am  
Blogger Shinga said...

Excellent re-working!

I will be singing this at upcoming events.

Regards - Shinga

3:30 pm  

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