Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Falling to bits

I booked an eye test today, mainly on the strength of getting a voucher offer of 20% off a pair of specs. I'm short sighted and use glasses to drive and watch TV, other than that I quite like my hazy world as I can't see people's dandruff etc and I have the camera adjusted to suit my right eye.

N. has a great new pair of designer frames, CKs I think, which look fantastic on her amazing Spanish face. Meanwhile I have a bog standard acceptable pair, which have lost one of the nose thingys, and which she got for me for £20, using my prescription, the last time she was in India.

It's two years since I had a test done and I've been putting it off because the last time I went it turned into a huge hullabaloo (splg?) and I ended up at the eye hospital. The reason for that was that I had to declare my cancer on the form, and the optician then found that my right pupil didn't dilate properly. Shine a light at it and it doesn't respond as quickly as the left eye. Now you'd think by the time I'd got into my late forties that someone would have noticed this before, but they hadn't.

So the optician wrote to my GP, who called me in to tell me she was referring me to the eye hospital. Of course no-one was actually saying that they thought the cancer had spread to my brain and/or eye.

But they didn't need to as I'm good at freaking myself out thank you very much, and I started to do some research, which included scanning loads of pix of myself from childhood to now onto the pc, and then blowing up the eyes in Photoshop. And to my relief I found that my right pupil was bigger in every single shot. Funny how no-one, including me, had ever noticed this before!

The appointment came through very quickly and off I went, armed with photocopies of my enlarged eye shots. The waiting room of an eye hospital is very scary place, for a start the coffee table books are all in Braille, and there are hand rails round all the walls, so I was in a right state by the time they actually called me for the tests. But they were very thorough, checking my peripheral vision and all sorts of other things, and they finally came to the conclusion that it was a long-standing condition which chemo had maybe made slightly worse.

So you can understand why I don't want to get another eye test! This one is with another company, which is probably pretty stupid as they won't be able to compare it with the last test, but I've already told them on the phone about the problem, so hopefully that will help.

And I may just get a great pair of specs!

I really do try to get on with life, but it's amazing the number of times the fear comes back to bite you on the bum, even when you are trying very hard to ignore it.
I'm reading Alan Bennett just now, he's had bowel cancer, and he wondered at one stage if it was possible to have cancer of the elbow, cos it had become painful.

BTW I caught the BBC R4 item on blogging today, both London based blogs on commuting, both women sounded good souls. I'd do a link to it, but I don't have time today.


Blogger PI said...

Hope the eye test goes OK and you get some eye catching specs - the bane of my life. I tried lenses and they were a disaster.
Alan Bennett is great. We often walked past his cottage in Clapham when we had a cottage in Yorkshire.
Also enjoyed the broadcasts. There is a link on The Little Red Boat if yu want to hear it again. I look forward to hearing Zoe and Tom Reynolds. Must get my breakfastand write a post.

6:45 am  
Blogger apprentice said...

Thanks. I can't use lenses either.
I'd love to meet Bennett I think he's wonderful, "Talking Heads" is one of my favourite pieces of drama.

Feeling lousy today, some stomach bug I think.

1:03 pm  
Blogger PI said...

Hope you're feeling better today. Oddly I had an uncomfortable night and tummy ache. Husband thought it was because we had tree and hedge cutters all day?!$?

4:49 pm  
Blogger blkbutterfly said...

lol @ not being able to see ppl's dandruff. i'm near sighted as well and i admit that when it's time for me for bed or when i'm just chillin' i like for it to be a bit hazy. other than that, i feel lost.

anyway, back to you. i hope the eye exam goes well. oh my goodness, i could so see myself rounding all pictures of myself and blowing them up at Kinko's to determine if my pupils were the same size. some might call this obsessive, you and i just see it as being thorough. :)

5:24 am  
Blogger apprentice said...

Thanks girlfriend! I'm fine. t5hey repeated one of the hospital tests, as it was a big practise with loads of machines. I have perfect peripheral vision, they showed me the computer print-out
And unusually I have symmetrical blind spots, everyone's eyes have them, something to do with how the eyes attaches to the brain stem, but they're not always so markedly the same.

I'll wear these new glasses more, she told me my right eye's working too hard to compensate for my left without glasses.

4:17 pm  
Blogger apprentice said...

Pi hope you are better. Gardening can hurt, it uses muscles were not used to using.

4:18 pm  

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