Falling to bits
N. has a great new pair of designer frames, CKs I think, which look fantastic on her amazing Spanish face. Meanwhile I have a bog standard acceptable pair, which have lost one of the nose thingys, and which she got for me for £20, using my prescription, the last time she was in India.
It's two years since I had a test done and I've been putting it off because the last time I went it turned into a huge hullabaloo (splg?) and I ended up at the eye hospital. The reason for that was that I had to declare my cancer on the form, and the optician then found that my right pupil didn't dilate properly. Shine a light at it and it doesn't respond as quickly as the left eye. Now you'd think by the time I'd got into my late forties that someone would have noticed this before, but they hadn't.
So the optician wrote to my GP, who called me in to tell me she was referring me to the eye hospital. Of course no-one was actually saying that they thought the cancer had spread to my brain and/or eye.
But they didn't need to as I'm good at freaking myself out thank you very much, and I started to do some research, which included scanning loads of pix of myself from childhood to now onto the pc, and then blowing up the eyes in Photoshop. And to my relief I found that my right pupil was bigger in every single shot. Funny how no-one, including me, had ever noticed this before!
The appointment came through very quickly and off I went, armed with photocopies of my enlarged eye shots. The waiting room of an eye hospital is very scary place, for a start the coffee table books are all in Braille, and there are hand rails round all the walls, so I was in a right state by the time they actually called me for the tests. But they were very thorough, checking my peripheral vision and all sorts of other things, and they finally came to the conclusion that it was a long-standing condition which chemo had maybe made slightly worse.
So you can understand why I don't want to get another eye test! This one is with another company, which is probably pretty stupid as they won't be able to compare it with the last test, but I've already told them on the phone about the problem, so hopefully that will help.
And I may just get a great pair of specs!
I really do try to get on with life, but it's amazing the number of times the fear comes back to bite you on the bum, even when you are trying very hard to ignore it.
I'm reading Alan Bennett just now, he's had bowel cancer, and he wondered at one stage if it was possible to have cancer of the elbow, cos it had become painful.
BTW I caught the BBC R4 item on blogging today, both London based blogs on commuting, both women sounded good souls. I'd do a link to it, but I don't have time today.